Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Filed under: parenting

Children Who Refuse to Be Raised

I am reading Raising Children Who Refuse to Be Raised by Dave Ziegler, Ph.D..  The author has worked for years with some of the most traumatized children in the country, and offers some of the best insights I have seen for raising children who have been abused and/or neglected.  This is one of the most accurate books I have read for those who want to better prepare themselves for raising these children.

I like the title, because children who have been deeply traumatized and hurt are changed by that process, in very specific and well researched ways.  Often, people who decide to foster and/or adopt traumatized children underestimate the challenges they face in having their children lean to feel safe, heal, and learn to trust them.  Part of this is simply people being trusting and naive.  Part of it, however, is the responsibility of those who work with adoptive parents.  In my experience those who work closely with people who have an interest in adopting from a child welfare system work very diligently to help those families understand the possible issues they will face with their children.  

The same can't be said to be true of some of the political leaders of child welfare systems.  More than once, I have seen Directors of state systems, Governors and others in leadership make statements that these are "normal" children and minimize the effects of trauma and the challenges involved in raising them.  There are often similar experiences with international adoptions.  Children who have been removed from their mothers, and their countries are traumatized by that experience to some extent, even if that happens when they are infants.  Children who have been in orphanages will almost always have difficulties bonding with adults and have challenges in families.  Families need to know the challenges they face.

Those of us who are working with adoptive children and the people who foster and adopt them can benefit from reading authors like Dave Ziegler, who do a good job of explaining what the children need, and what parents and therapists can do to help them succeed.  I recommend it highly.