I am currently working with a client to develop a series of online trainings for those involved with youth in foster care, and beginning to work on more general work on “Trauma Informed Care”.  There are a number of models around this theme for a variety of presenting problems we see in mental health.

I have been blessed over the years to work with people with incredible stories of both horrific abuse and the methods they have used to stay alive and somewhat sane during and after the abuse.  From simple dissociation, to oppositional defiant behaviors, to reactive attachment behaviors to dissociating their whole identity, people have created strategies they needed to survive, and which had secondary effects of creating problems in the world and pain within.

Through working with them, I have experienced secondary PTSD from countless stories which overwhelmed my defenses and resulted in changing my own beliefs about the world and the levels of cruelty that exists.  I have experienced rage at the people who have caused pain to those for whom I care and had to learn more of forgiveness than I ever wanted.

As my client and I begin this educational work together, the thing I still find striking is the percentage of people who purport to care about and want to help children and others who have been traumatized who persist in minimizing and denying the pain, effects and actual horror of the experiences of some of our children.  When you hear about anal and vaginal rapes of four year olds from the person who is in a 15 year old body, but looking like a four year old, it is traumatic.  When a person relives beatings and you hear the screams that the person who had done the beatings ignored, it changes you.

Those who come to do this work need to be prepared to confront things they don’t want to believe could happen, and to quietly and lovingly sit with those who have to journey through memories of hell so they can become whole.  This is the only way to honor the strength of the person who survived hell to be there with you.

Anyone who chooses to work with abused and neglected children needs to be prepared to leave naive assumptions about how nice people are behind and be ready to encounter very ugly truths and experience pain as they hear the true experiences some of our children share.  To say you want to help, but not have what it takes to listen sabotages the healing process, and may result in young people giving up.

If you choose to listen, you will come to understand both horror and incredible strength in a way that only helping those who have experienced severe trauma can teach.  If you don’t think you can choose to listen, then please choose something else to do. My ex-clients and friends can’t afford to be let down by someone who doesn’t have what it takes to help.  If you have the depth of love to help, then by all means step forward and help.  We need you.

via rayhoskins.com