Then she related that most of the time, she just thinks of him by his name, and doesn't even consider the problems, and it always surprises her when she gets the reaction in which the diagnoses become the most important issue.  "Like they are his identity or something."  I think I should mention that she has produced what seems like miracles with this child since she has had him.

My friend demonstrates a discipline of thinking that we all need to adopt.  She sees her son as a whole person first, keeping in mind that his diagnoses present special challenges in helping him grow, learn and develop.  Our identity is so much more than our labels, whether they be diagnoses or other labels.  I personally try to first frame everyone I meet as a child of the same creator, and a human being first.  This helps me stay clear in developing a relationship which is nurturing.  

When we think in terms of an Autistic child, Reactive Attachment Disordered child, even a hurt child, we have the conceptual and language cart before the horse.  Identity is so much more than autism, disorders, or even being hurt.  The very filtering of our description through these labels guides our minds to think in terms of deficits and limits.  It would tell us that the most important thing about my friend's son is that he can't talk well, rather than focusing on his math ability, his great giggle, and how he smiles when his mother tells him she loves him.

It also has us thinking that the most important thing about an abused child is the abuse because that is what comes first in the thought.  The most important thing about any child who has been abused is the human spirit within needing bonding, safety, and nurturing of their potential.

Think about it.