Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Ray Hoskins

Ray Hoskins

I am a youth advocate who has with young people and youth programs for many years.

I am delighted to now be serving as Director of Staff Development for St. Jude's Ranch for Children. We are working very diligently to become an even more excellent program for troubled youth and families.

Contact me at ray.hoskins@gmail.com. Phone: 317-210-0426

Staying True: A Horny Person's Guide to Sexual Fidelity

I am happy to announce that my book, Staying True: A Horny Person's Guide to Sexual Fidelity is now available at the Kindle store on amazon.com!  The URL for the book is http://www.amazon.com/Staying-True-Persons-Fidelity-ebook/dp/B003IPD45W/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1272118474&sr=1-2.

The book evolved out of my work with couples several years ago, and has been updated over the last year.  It is specifically focused on people who have difficulties coming to terms with a commitment to monogamy.  I designed the book as a guidebook for those preparing for marriage, and for those who are married and facing difficulties staying true to their commitments in relationships.  

I anticipate a printed release this fall.

Thinking About "Young People"

Last Friday, I was listening to a taped presentation of H. Stephen Glenn, and he made the point that prior to 1955, the word Teenager didn't appear in our language.  Teenagers as a class of being was created as a side effect of the Baby Boom, and having such an large contingency of young people in the 13-19 age range.  This led to social scientists studying them, and the label teenager.  

Unfortunately, this labeling process has resulted in a culture which thinks largely in stereotypical terms when it comes to young people in this age range.  We have some lock step ideas of what thirteen year olds are like, and how nineteen year olds are more mature, or should be than thirteen year olds.  

If we pay attention to our experience, rather than the stereotypes, we will notice very mature thirteen year olds and incredibly immature young people who are nineteen.

Steve encouraged us to abolish the term teenagers from our minds and adopt the much more respectful young people for young people of all ages.  I agree, though it is a challenge for me to maintain this discipline.  I find that when I do succeed, each young person I meet can be seen as a unique person

Foster Care Until 21 and Other Youth In Care Issues

Yesterday, I posted a link to the Midwest Outcome Study by Chapin Hall.  When those of us who work with young people discuss this study, we find nothing surprising.  The 23 and 24 year olds have about a 50% unemployment rate, 6% college graduation rate, and about half have been homeless.  This in spite of the fact that the majority of them have reconnected with their families, have permanent connections and most feel they have an adequate support system.  

The majority of them also reported they could have used additional life skills training, especially in money management, housing, etc..  This is consistent with what I have seen nationally for the last eight years reviewing thousands of Ansell Casey Life Skills Assessments.  These outcomes are very consistent with the recently published outcome study funded by Casey Family Programs and others.  The Chapin Hall study targets the kind of results we get since the Chafee Program was put in place in 1999.  So we have been funding programs to address these issues for eleven years, and these are the Midwest results so far.  

I believe if we had done this study prior to Chafee, the outcomes would have been worse.  One recommendation made by the study is to extend time in care, (it is called foster care, but for many young people it is institutional care) until age 21.  The most consistent factor in improved outcomes is the length of time a young person received support.  States can now do this with federal support, but most haven't because it requires matching funds, and I doubt that many in leadership perceive a need.

Most of our leadership grew up in a time when it was possible to transition to life on our own at age 18.  We could get a job and work our way through college.  Grants and loans were available that would supplement our costs and help us succeed.  That is no longer true.  The average age of becoming self sufficient for young people who aren't in the child welfare system is about 26 or 27 in our country now.  So the idea that these young people should be able to age out of care at 18 and succeed is simplistic, and unintentionally sadistic.  The economy has become much more complicated, requiring more refined and specialized skills, and, given a 6% college completion rate, these young people are being left out of that economy.  

Extending foster care until age 21, while allowing increased flexibility past 18, would be a start at reversing these painful outcomes.  We also have a long way to go in working with these young people to develop capability.  If extension of foster care is the only approach, it will only make a marginal difference.  The data is also clear that Permanency, in the guise of reconnecting with families is also an inadequate strategy.  

Most of the young people had reconnected with their biological families, but still had the same poor outcomes.  In my experience, families which neglected and/or abused these young people as children are often too chaotic to be major positive supports to them as young adults.  In addition, the issues within those relationships are very complicated and painful.  There has been a very naive faction within the Child Welfare professional community which has advocated that this reconnection would be a major solution, and it isn't.  In fact, with extremely violent families there can be tragic outcomes.  

So, states need to consider extending foster care until age 21 as soon as it is possible from a budgetary standpoint.  However, we need to realize that young people need a number of other quality services in addition to this change in policy.

For future discussions, the life skills assessments I have reviewed over the last eight years indicates that youth in juvenile justice systems have far more life skills issues than those in foster care, and there seems to be no study on the horizon which will help us look at those outcomes.  I believe that youth who end up leaving juvenile justice systems each year at 18 have greater issues than youth in Child Welfare.

Transitions Throughout Life

Much of my coaching work, at one level, all of it, over the years has been related to live transitions.  We recognize that we have natural transitions in our life, some common ones are;

  • graduation from high school, 
  • perhaps college or job training, 
  • commitment to a marriage or other relationship
  • becoming parents
  • career changes, including periods of unemployment
  • economic upturns and downturns
  • children leaving home
  • relationship shifts
  • retirement

Each of these changes in our lives challenge an existing way of understanding ourselves and the world.  As we successfully negotiate different life changes, we face a bit of the challenge of "transcendence or despair".   

At the same time we are going through external transitions, we progress through internal developmental transitions throughout life.  Our perceptions of ourselves and others, our roles, and our perceptions of life evolve.  All this has become more challenging as we have become less connected to other generations in our lives.  

Throughout most of history, as we went through these shifts, we had other close family members and friends who had successfully negotiated these transitions, and could nudge us through using the wisdom from their own lives.  This has changed for many of us and has been doing so since the second world war.  We have become more isolated by generation, and the pace of life has increased, resulting in less effective natural coaching relationships.  

Furthermore, we train our young people through all their school years to rely more on their peers for support and bonding than for older generations.  We isolate them for the majority of their daylight hours in groups of others their own age, with only one adult around at a time.  That adult has a very goal focused role which discourages a more global coaching function.  The majority of teachers, coaches, and other adults in a young person's life hasn't had time for broader relationships for many years now.  In addition, healthy coaching relationships have been sabotaged by the prevalence of sexual predators in our society, and the need to keep a healthy distance from young people so that parents and others don't get the wrong impression.

So it seems we have evolved to where we need personal coaches.  Up until recently, people going through these natural transitions only had therapists available to help with these issues, and it often wasn't that successful.  Therapy is a problem focused process, and transitions are meaning and goal focused.  Over 70% of the CEOs of fortune 500 companies have personal coaches.  President Clinton hired Tony Robbins for that purpose.  

One of the major roles of coaches is to help people transition through life stages in ways that increase the meaning in their lives and help them develop meaning.  There are questions we help people explore during each change:

  • What does it mean when I (graduate high school, graduate college, decide to marry, become a parent, see my children leave, retire)?
  • What am I ending or giving up in this process?  
  • How am I, or will I be different after this?
  • What goals do I need to set to help myself move forward in a meaningful way?
  • What, if any steps do I need to take to start achieving those goals?
  • What have I learned in this process that produces wisdom and/or a deeper spiritual meaning in my life?

Think about yourself and those around you and notice how others negotiate changes, and how you can more proactively navigate yours.

Midwest Evaluation of Youth Aging Out of Care

We have waited for years for this important study.  It is the study of youth aging out of foster care (including all types of placements) in some Midwest states.  It shows some definite challenges which we need to address, and some strengths of young people we need to celebrate.   If you care about youth with some of the greatest challenges, check it out.

http://chapinhall.org/research/report/midwest-evaluation-adult-functioning-former-foster-youth

Thinking About "Young People"

Last Friday, I was listening to a taped presentation of H. Stephen Glenn, and he made the point that prior to 1955, the word Teenager didn't appear in our language.  Teenagers as a class of being was created as a side effect of the Baby Boom, and having such an large contingency of young people in the 13-19 age range.  This led to social scientists studying them, and the label teenager.  

Unfortunately, this labeling process has resulted in a culture which thinks largely in stereotypical terms when it comes to young people in this age range.  We have some lock step ideas of what thirteen year olds are like, and how nineteen year olds are more mature, or should be than thirteen year olds.  

If we pay attention to our experience, rather than the stereotypes, we will notice very mature thirteen year olds and incredibly immature young people who are nineteen.

Steve encouraged us to abolish the term teenagers from our minds and adopt the much more respectful young people for young people of all ages.  I agree, though it is a challenge for me to maintain this discipline.  I find that when I do succeed, each young person I meet can be seen as a unique person and I stay curious to discover who he or she is.  When I think in terms of teenager, I fall into the rut of filtering through all the assumptions I have programmed in my head.  That becomes a barrier to getting to know the person in front of me.

Explore this in your own experience.  How does your brain filter differently when you choose to see all people younger than say 27 as young people?